This post has been a couple months in the making; the thoughts and ideas have swirled around in my head, but nothing ever concrete has landed. This is my attempt to harness those spurts into a coherent thought.
I think that sometimes Christians who have grown up in the church either find themselves having the expectation that they should know more about Christianity and Scripture than a newer believer, or that others expect them to. Actually, maybe I should just speak for myself. There will be times when I am talking to someone who quotes verse after verse from the Bible and I think to myself, that all sounds so familiar, but I would not be able to tell you the reference for it in the Bible. And then I spiral downwards, beating myself up over the fact that my knowledge of the Word is not up to par where I think it should be, having known the Lord since I was four years old, shouldn't I have read the Bible cover to cover like 20 times by now? And then the thought pops into my head, do others expect me to know this? Am I letting people down because I don't know the book of Ephesians off the top of my head?
I was turning this over in my head a few weeks ago while driving when I felt a wave of peace come over me. This is where GRACE lives, Jes. This is where He steps in, where there is a Companion with me at all times that gives me the words to say when I need them. Perhaps the point is not to have the head knowledge to win the Sword Drill in Sunday School, but to win the battle over my soul by knowing the One who gives me words to speak at all. The pressure melted away.
Maybe I am not up to par with my Scripture memory, but I can say with confidence that I know the One who breathed life into that Scripture, and He is what sustains me and gives me life. The pressure is off, grace is on, the inspiration to study the Word is strong; not in order to meet others expectations, but because it is something I have the privilege to do. It gives me life. It gives me strength. It brings wisdom.
