Processing....

Tonight marks the start of the longest stint for being "off" since I started working for David and JJ at the end of August. They don't have any performances until Saturday night, so I feel like I will finally get some time to settle in to my new "home" for now. At the top of the list is getting some rest and hanging with my parents and Josh, but I also want to reconnect with old friends and assemble some sense of community for times like this, when I will be in one place for a couple weeks.

I started that reconnecting tonight. I went for a walk with a friend I've known for years. Walks are one of my favorite activities to do with another person, for various reasons. Firstly, the pace is one that is compatible for two people of varying fitness levels. Secondly, walking allows one to take in a lot more of the surrounding elements as opposed to running, in which case I am mostly focused on not scuffing my foot on the pavement and falling on my face. Thirdly, I think it is something that was modeled by the One I try to pattern my life after, most days. He walked and talked with people, sharing, listening, walking in stride with those He loved.

So tonight I walked with my friend. It had been a while. It felt comfortable. Through sharing about my life and what I've been experiencing the last couple of months- the changes, the trials, the tears, I was struck with the importance of verbal communication...once again. I'd like to think I can process my life on my own, in my head, but tonight was a good reminder that when I try to process in my head, sometimes I don't ask myself questions that I don't feel like answering. By verbally processing with someone else, questions are asked of me that are outside of my ability to shove away or ignore.

Why do I want to avoid those questions? Ah, that is the question. Perhaps for fear of what the answer might be? Is it fear itself? Will I have to change? Am I in the wrong in some way? Is it because the answer is that I can't control everything and everyone? I'm sure there is a surplus of other questions to ask in order to get to the bottom of that main question.

What I will say, is that I am grateful to the friends who WILL ask me those questions, and then walk with me, side by side, as I process. Thank you to those who have already been a part of this, and to those who will play a role in the future. Life is meant to be lived with others. Shared.

Anyone wanna go for a walk? :)