What about me?

After JJ and David sang five times in two days, we are preparing to head out of the Redlands, and back to Phoenix for a much needed few days of rest. I've still been living out of the same suitcase that I left Denver with, one month ago....with a couple loads of laundry in between.

I enjoyed seeing a good friend while I was here in California. She added a slice of familiarity and comfort that I really needed. Thanks Kel. She reminded me that I can't take care of anyone if I don't take care of myself. I know that, and I can tell myself that, but there's a feel that's completely different hearing it from someone else. It caused me to break down for a second and shed a few tears. I think I've done a good job of being self aware through this process, but it is also easy to lose perspective and keep giving and giving and going strong, because there is so much to be done, and always something to do. Someone to care for.

Today we are driving back to AZ, and after four days of watching a little one, I will stay a night at my parents house and take on the responsibility of watching out for three big ones. Not because it's expected, because I love them. Because I know the stress they are under. Because I would want someone to do the same. I'll also have three days to hopefully move out of my car and into the house that I will be staying at for a while, when we are in Phoenix. Yep, my car still has all of my belongings in it from when I did this. Then it's off to San Jose for several days.

Some days just feel really heavy. Yesterday was one of those days. Sometimes I feel helpless. Like events happening in my life are completely out of my control. I hate that feeling. I want to be in control. I want to call the shots. And then reality sets in- I remember that I am NOT the One who calls the shots. But I know the One who is, and when I start to feel the weight of life pressing down on me, I must concentrate on what I CAN do, not what I can't. I CAN pray. I CAN be present wherever I am, and be helpful and productive in that situation. I CAN stop worrying, because that isn't helping anyone. And I CAN take care of myself.

His mercies are new every morning, and I feel them on this morning. Great is Thy faithfulness. Now hopefully the baby won't scream for five hours in the car.