How quickly things can change.

Quite the contrast from my last post, but such is life. I have spent the last day and a half full time with JJ and little Lucy to provide some extra help while David spends the weekend with some old buddies hiking down the Grand Canyon. I'm a bit jealous. Things have been going well, Lucy has been great during the day....last night was a little rough in the sleep department. Must have been going around though, because when the three of us arrived at my parent's house this morning to check out the neighborhood garage sale, I could tell it was gonna be a rough day with Josh.

Things have been going so well lately, but today was one of those days. When he's feeling good, life is good. When he's feeling crappy, it takes a toll on us all. I understand that there will be good days and bad days. And I understand that one's attitude will be affected by this. What I get upset about is the backlash that is directed towards my parents.

These actions are inexcusable and unmerited in regards to my parent's actions and constant sacrifice of themselves for Josh's sake. I become defensive of my parents, especially my mom, who bears the brunt of it, and absorbs all of Josh's comments and harsh words with grace and patience. But I know it is slowly chipping away at her, and it must hurt her heart. It hurts mine.

How do I just allow this to continue? How do I just let it go? Can't I fix it? Isn't there something I can do? Can't this all just go away???

A few days ago I felt like a load had been lifted off of me. Today that load just came back in full force upon me like flash flood.

His mercies are new every morning, great is Thy faithfulness. And repeat.

I think it all hurts so much because I love my family so much. I love Josh. I love my parents. I don't want to see them hurt each other. I don't want Josh to feel like there isn't a single person in our family that isn't on his side. We are all pulling for him, we are all here for him and love him. He needs to see that and recognize it for himself. I can't make him see that. That's a choice he has to make.

May God grant me the gift of mercy and patience during this time. To love Josh without condition. Without expectation. Wanting only what is best for him, what God wants for him.